Do you think it takes a tremendous amount of healing and growing up for us to notice how we were being sold a story of the most heartbreakingly toxic love masked as the greatest love? As usual something very familiar and overly hyped made me realize something.

We can draw an example from any romance novel we ever read or any rom com we ever watched. A girl, hopelessly looking for love, and a guy hopelessly toxic. Or vice versa. We can all be toxic and mean. But what I mean to say is, there is insane amount of chemistry, passion and what not they get together, ego gets in the way, their toxic ways get in the way, they separate and the cycle repeats. Or even worse, they love each other to death, but the ego gets into play, and they become so toxic for themselves and everyone else, shit hits the fan and now everyone is crying or dying. Or both. Take the latest Wuthering Heights adaptation as an example.

Speaking of, I read the book probably 11 to 12 years ago and most of the plot evaporated from my memory, but I actually liked the movie. I liked how it has a slightly modern twist to it, with all the fashion and glamour. But the very core of it remains the same. Two people loving each other and being incapable of acting on it, made such a toxic mess that literal lives were lost. It really makes me wonder why on Earth do we find that attractive? Is loving someone supposed to be so difficult, so layered with love, chemistry and an extra layer of toxicity? And why do we secretly yearn for it and if in reality we don’t get to experience the same, suddenly we are so disappointed because we can’t find a real-life Heathcliff or Cathy. I believe that reality is completely different.

This is not to say that we are not flawed beings, we are, but the key is to handle yourself first and then to work with the other person on building something solid based on many values such as friendship, loyalty, chemistry, and the fundamental ones: respect and understanding. I think we have been sold an idea of something, because the real thing is something so deeply layered that no movie or book could cover it.

It’s nice to indulge in fiction, it’s important for our mental state, but to be conditioned that the greatest love of our life is out there somewhere and that’s going to be the fairytale is a hard pass. I know there are people who are hopeless romantics and truly believe in those stories, but we cannot lose touch with reality, it’s not normal to want something so disturbing such as I will follow you like a dog to the end of the world. I mean I get why everyone loses their minds, but come on people, be for real.

We should all ask ourselves questions about our belief systems when it comes to everything, not just romance.