With everything that is going on in the world ever since this year started, it’s really difficult to look the other way and focus on existential crisis we are experiencing in one way or another. My question is and will forever be: Why? Why do we have to just observe and do nothing about sick, elderly people ruining everyone’s life just because they can? Why is it everyone’s problem that they have a small peepee and we are paying the price for it? Nobody but them, sick, old, perverted, sclerotic bags of meat want war. I can only say that it’s a good thing I alone cannot act, because I would burn the world and all the evil in it with it and get this over with.

Now, back to the existential crisis. On thing leads to another anyway. I’m no expert on war, so I should stay out of the ME conflict analysis. What I wanted to say is that how we never know where life will take us. I spent some portion of my life living in the Middle East and I loved it. I felt safe, secured and living there really lifts a lot of your worries at once. If I have stayed there, with all the fake news and real news, with being reassured by the country, I would still panic. As someone who has the war embedded in the DNA as many of us do, it would be such a horrible moment for me. I cannot imagine how it is for the people who have the same trauma. Hearing the sirens go off would trigger me so much. I know it did when the attack on Ukraine happened. What I’m trying to say is, if I have stayed there as I did during Covid how would I be handling the current situation? I keep longing for those days I spent living there, but I cannot have them back. The moment is gone and it has been gone for years now.

As much as I like to believe that we are absolutely in control of our lives, are we really? Aren’t we always at the right time and place, no matter how suffocating it may feel at the moment? I will look back once again and realize how even these moments were accounting for something. Nothing ever is in vain. This is something we have to keep in mind. I might have imagined my life differently after I decided to quit flying, I might have had high expectations and it’s okay to grieve that version of myself I created in my mind. It doesn’t mean that that version will never exist, maybe I am becoming that version now, but it’s really okay to accept that sometimes we aim higher than we are supposed to because some goals need time to sprout.

It’s easy to complain about life paths when we are being safe and sound. We are not free nor we will be because, hello look at the dumpster fire this world turned out to be, they are hurting the children, they are orchestrating war, none of the victims think of their life path, all they think of are their loved ones and if they will get out alive.

Life is such a mean, mean game to play. You are always one step away from being dragged into a disaster you never asked for.