I’m not going to address the fact that I’m going back to blogging after centuries. It has always been my greatest joy and at this point I’m uncertain on why I ever stopped, but hey here we are. I have had a bugging thought in my little restless brain for days and that boils down to how different life paths are. Take your friend as an example. One fine day, you meet a person seemingly on random and you bond over silly or not-so-silly things. We get bonded with people through various circumstances such as toxic workplace, joint experiences, or simply just by going through a lot of shit since the young age. I’m a firm believer that people in our lives are there for a reason, and sometimes you will not recognize the reason but most of the times your core will know. I’m a person who likes to observe my own life more often than not and I can tell you that I weirdly enjoy it when people leave my life. I like to think of it as a cycle ending. Someone served a purpose in my life, and I served a purpose in theirs.

However, a time comes when you compare yourself to your friends, to your colleagues, heck even to your siblings. All paths are different, what works for me might not work for you. What works for you could be a complete bs to me. BUT it doesn’t hurt less when things we want happen to our friends or loved ones. And don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about being jealous of your loved ones, you are absolutely HAPPY for them, but you end up asking yourself a question as old as time: “Why is nothing nice happening to me? Why not me? Will it ever be my turn?” What you need to do in these situations is to ask yourself do you really want things to play out like that in your own life, or do you want more exciting, more soul buzzing things to happen to you? Let me play the angel here and let me tell you that you will get the same thing but in a more colourful package. I will give you an example from my own experience. Once upon a time, I fell so hard for a guy who couldn’t give me a 10% of what I gave let alone of what I deserved (what’s new?). I went down the soulmate; twin flame spiral I thought I was going insane. At that exact time, two of my closest friends reached a peak in their relationship – lovely moments, engagement, plans for the future, dreams and goals, cotton clouds, rainbows, flowers and sparkles. Marriage. In their sparkles and rainbows era, I wished that I am experiencing the same thing with said guy. My soul craved for it at that time. I was devastated because I could not experience the same thing as my friends did. But what I didn’t know is that what they have is something I could never want. What I didn’t’ know is that their relationship is completely based on values I have strong opposing opinions about, what I didn’t know is how much they struggle now. And I could never want that. And I could never want someone who can’t give me what I deserve.

As you can see, my point is we have our own paths. I could never swap what I have now for a moment of what I thought I wanted. The peace I have now, first with myself and then with my life, living the big-small dreams I always had, living with my cat, living alone, reading, writing, learning astrology, having my own time, my own money, my own peace is PRICELESS. There is no relationship that can top the relationship I have with myself now. It took a long time and a very dark and lonely road to reach this stage but perhaps that can be a topic for the next post?